Random Thoughts With Nicole L. Turner

Sticking with a bad decision is not a triumph of commitment. It’s a failure of courage. The quicker you are to admit you were wrong, the sooner you can start making it right. There are a number of reasons why people stick by a bad decision. Emotional investment: People often become emotionally invested in their decisions, especially if they've put a lot of time, effort, or resources into them. Admitting they made a mistake can feel like admitting failure, which can be difficult to accept. Fear of change: Even if a decision turns out to be bad, people may fear the uncertainty and discomfort that comes with changing course. They may worry about the consequences of abandoning their original decision and whether they'll be able to navigate a new path successfully. Cognitive dissonance: This is the psychological discomfort that arises when there's a discrepancy between beliefs and actions. People may rationalize their bad decisions to reduce this discomfort, convincing themselves that the decision wasn't actually

Do you suffer from success amnesia? Success amnesia happens when someone struggles to recognize past successes and accomplishments.  Success amnesia impacts your life in several ways. Some of those ways are: Lack of Confidence: When individuals suffer from success amnesia, they may lack confidence in their abilities to overcome challenges or succeed in new endeavors because they don't recognize their past achievements as evidence of their capabilities. Increased Anxiety: Without the ability to recall past successes, individuals may feel heightened anxiety or stress when confronted with difficulties, as they don't have the reassurance of knowing they've overcome similar situations in the past. Impaired Problem-Solving Skills: Success amnesia can impair individuals' problem-solving skills because they may not draw upon past experiences or strategies that have worked for them in similar situations. Diminished Resilience: Ultimately, success amnesia undermines resilience because individuals are unable to tap into

In the journey of life, it's common to encounter roadblocks, detours, and dead ends. There are moments when it feels like nothing is working out or fitting into place. It's during these times that the idea of "creating your own lane" becomes not just an option but a necessity.   Creating your own lane means forging a path that aligns with your passions, strengths, and values, even when conventional routes seem inaccessible or unsuitable. It's about taking control of your destiny and refusing to be limited by existing structures or norms. Here are some insights and tips to empower you in this journey.   Uncover Your Lane: Creating your own lane isn’t about inventing something entirely new; it’s about discovering what truly resonates with you. Reflect on your passions, strengths, and values. What makes your heart sing? What unique skills or perspectives do you bring to the table? Your true lane lies within these answers. Pay Attention to What’s Important:

Stop saying, “If people say, ‘after all I’ve done for you’ that they only did for you as a transaction.” Recognize Genuine Acts of Kindness: Discern between genuine acts of kindness and manipulative behaviors disguised as favors or transactions. True acts of kindness come from a place of genuine care and concern, rather than being used as leverage. Communication is Key: Advocate for open and honest communication in relationships. Express your needs and expectations clearly, while also being receptive to the needs of others. Effective communication can help prevent misunderstandings and foster healthier relationships. Value Reciprocity: Reciprocity in relationships is important. Surround yourselves with individuals who reciprocate kindness and support in a genuine manner. Gratitude and Appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation for the kindness and support you receive from others. Genuine expressions of gratitude can strengthen relationships and foster a sense of mutual respect and appreciation. Self-Ref

As human beings we often look at things from our perspective and don’t as often look at things from the other person’s perspective. Someone gets the job that we applied to – we’re mad about it. Someone gets the house we wanted, we’re upset about it. Someone buys the last item that was left, we’re frustrated. Someone finds the love of their life and you’re still single, and you wonder why them and not you. You see where I’m going. It's important to cultivate a positive and supportive mindset when it comes to other people's successes and blessings. Jealousy or resentment can be counterproductive and detrimental to our own well-being. Each person's journey is unique, and what may be a blessing for someone else doesn't diminish our own potential for success and happiness. Instead of harboring negative feelings, it can be more beneficial to focus on our own goals, celebrate our achievements, and work towards creating our own blessings. In doing so, we contribute to a healthier and more positive environment for our

I read in a guide to self-discipline that One of the reasons we don't have self-discipline is because we run from the hard, uncomfortable things. We would rather do the easy, comfortable, familiar things. I am a mindset coach, helping people shift the way they think so they can change the way they live. Discipline starts with our mind – how we think. Self-discipline is about learning to control yourself so you can work towards your goals, even when no one is forcing you to. Discipline is a crucial aspect of achieving goals and leading a successful life, but many individuals struggle with maintaining self-discipline for various reasons. Here are some common challenges and tips to improve self-discipline: Challenges in Practicing Discipline: Instant Gratification Bias: Challenge: Humans are wired to seek immediate rewards, making it difficult to resist short-term pleasures. Tip: Practice delaying gratification by setting long-term goals and breaking them down into smaller, manageable tasks. Lack of Clear Goa

Making it happen: This part of the dance involves taking initiative, setting goals, making plans, and actively working towards achieving what you desire. It's about being proactive, making decisions, and putting in effort to shape your life in a deliberate way. Letting it happen: On the other hand, there are aspects of life that are beyond your control. This part of the dance is about being open to opportunities, embracing uncertainty, and allowing life to unfold organically. It's a recognition that not everything can be planned or controlled, and sometimes, the most meaningful experiences come from unexpected or unplanned events. Finding the right balance between actively shaping your life and allowing things to unfold naturally requires a thoughtful approach. Here are some tips to help you navigate the dance between making it happen and letting it happen: Set Clear Goals: Identify your priorities and set clear, realistic goals. Having a roadmap for what you want to achieve provides direction for your action

People often say, Rest in Peace, but we also deserve to LIVE in peace. Death should not be your gateway to peace. We only get one life. We owe it to ourselves to be happy, to have joy, to experience peace while we are living. Ask yourself the question, “Is there anything in my life disrupting my peace? If the answer is yes, ask yourself, “Why am I still dealing with this? If someone you loved was experiencing something that was disturbing their peace (job, relationship, friendship, etc.), would you want them to stay in that situation? Love yourself enough to say, I want better for me. I want peace for me. We’ve all seen how someone’s life flourished once they left that job that mistreated them or left that mate that mistreated them. Some say, God was holding back the blessings until they got out of that situation. We spend way too much time on the worst-case what-if scenarios. How about you shift that to think about the best case what-if scenarios. You owe it to yourself to have joy and peace now. Death shoul

As you are giving yourself grace, tell yourself that you are: Doing your best You are not your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes Tomorrow is a new day & as long as I am breathing, there’s always an opportunity to do something different, to grow, etc. 12 ways to give yourself grace: Stop trying to be perfect – allow yourself to be human Forgive yourself Change your mindset stop the negative self-talk Practice gratitude Be kind to yourself Let go of the past or whatever you’re holding on to Show yourself compassion Celebrate your wins, no matter how small Show yourself compassion Stop comparing your life to others. Be okay with saying no and setting boundaries Be okay with taking time for yourself I want to encourage you to take a trip to Graceland by giving yourself the gift of grace. I am Nicole L. Turner, your Mindset Coach, helping you shift the way you think so you can change the way you live. If you are in need of a mindset coach, you can reach out to me at https://www.detoxforyourlife.com/

 A few tips to help you stop typecasting yourself: Get back in touch with yourself. Get in touch with who you are and who you want to be. Is there a disconnect between who you are and who you desire to be? Highlight the parts of you that you really like/ really enjoy. Identify the areas you aren’t too fond of. Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t be afraid to take risks. EXPAND yourself. I know growth is scary. In that risk-taking, you will develop or grow parts of you that you labeled as weaknesses or aren’t too fond of. On your “to do list” for the remaining months of this year, make two goals (I don’t want to overwhelm you so two is good for now), make two goals where you take a risk – do something different, try something different. Build/expand your network. As much as we love the people in our lives, sometimes it’s good to get to know other people, different types of people. It exposes you to different experiences, different ways of thinking, different ways of being. These are people who may be

One of the things that robs us of joy is our desire to seek perfection/be perfect. We give gifts to other people, but how often do we give gifts to ourselves? One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the gift of joy. As I always say, you are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Do more of what brings you joy.  The definition of joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. If you don’t already know, I want you to think about what gives you joy, what gives you a feeling of great pleasure. Then I want you to think about what’s preventing you from experiencing that. If you find that it’s your quest for perfection that’s preventing you from experiencing joy, choose joy over perfection.   I’m Nicole L. Turner, your mindset coach, helping you shift the way you think so you can change the way you live. If you are in need of a mindset coach, you can reach out at detoxforyourlife.com

Whether you're considering a career shift, a new personal direction, etc., here are some tips to help you navigate the process: Self-Reflection: Before making any major changes, take time to reflect on your strengths, interests, values, and long-term goals. Understand what truly matters to you and what you want to achieve in your new direction. Set Clear Goals: Define specific and achievable goals for your new path. Having clear objectives will give you direction and motivation as you work towards your desired outcome. Research and Education: If your new course requires new skills or knowledge, invest time in researching and learning about the field. This could involve taking courses, attending workshops, or self-study. Networking: Build a network of contacts in your desired field. Connect with professionals, attend relevant events, and engage in online communities to gain insights and potential opportunities. Plan and Strategize: Create a detailed plan for your transition. Break down your goals into smaller,

On your journey to giving yourself as many chances as you need to get it right: Start by letting go of the past. We spend way too much time staying stuck in the past and it paralyzes us. Prevents us from moving forward. The past failures or the things that didn’t go our way or work out for us in the past still affords us an opportunity to grow. Figure out what you do want. Piggybacking on the last one, sometimes you spend way too much time in the past that you fail to take that as an opportunity to figure out what you do want. Decide what’s meaningful to you. What feeds your soul. What brings you joy. What you’re passionate about. What makes you feel like you are walking in your purpose. If you don’t take the time to figure out what you want, you will be like the hamster on the hamster wheel – just going in circles. Forget about what other people are going to thin Keep doing what feels right to you. Don’t worry about what other people may think. They do what’s best for them and you must do what’s best for you

Possible reasons why people have difficulty seeing the change in someone else: Familiarity bias: People often have preconceived notions or mental images of others based on past experiences and interactions. These preconceptions can create a cognitive bias that makes it difficult to perceive changes in someone's behavior or character. Limited perspective: If someone has limited interactions or limited exposure to the person in question, they may not have enough information to notice significant changes. For example, if someone only sees a friend occasionally or hears about them through second-hand information, they may not be able to detect subtle or gradual changes. Confirmation bias: People tend to seek out information that confirms their existing beliefs or expectations. If someone has a fixed perception of another person, they may unconsciously ignore or downplay evidence that contradicts their beliefs, making it difficult for them to see the changes that have occurred. Emotional attachment: Strong emotion

I read that the average person makes about 35,000 decisions a day. In life, in your career, in your relationships (friendships and romantic relationships), etc., if you don’t get clear on what you want, you will find yourself in a constant cycle of getting things that kinda, sorta, almost, but not quite meets it. So how do you start getting clear on what you want? Take out a piece of paper and write the answer to these questions: What makes me happy? Make a list of the things that make you happy. What are my values and am I being true to them? What are my needs (e.g., financial, emotional, physical, etc,)? What would I do if there were no limits? What do I want my life to look like 3, 5, 10 years from now? What does a good life look like for me? What are my greatest accomplishments thus far? What are the things I do want in my life? What are the things I don’t want in my life? Who do I admire or get jealous of? What gives me purpose? What give my life meaning? For my intimate relationship, what does my ideal

If you find yourself taking on other people’s frustrations, first ask yourself, “Why am I frustrated by this”? Is this person known to overreact? In the past, when their frustrations became my frustrations, was their validity to the frustration (meaning was there a valid reason for you to be frustrated)? It’s important to set emotional boundaries: stop taking on other people’s feelings. This can be a challenge for those of us who are an empath. In addition to setting emotional boundaries, ask yourself if what you are feeling, is that frustration, yours or someone else’s. “If it’s not your emotion, then you can let it go, simply by stating to yourself: This isn’t mine. I don’t have to take this on.” The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within you – do you tense up? Protect yourself from other people’s stuff. Remove yourself from the situation, whether it be temporary or long-term. Temporary looks like taking a little bit of time away from th

In Cortney S. Warren’s book, Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception, she says, ““Self-deception comes from not having enough psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow when the truth is acknowledged.” She also says, “The more we lie to ourselves about how we are contributing to our problems, the more harm we will cause to ourselves and our relationships because we will blame others for undesirable aspects of our lives instead of taking responsibility for our role.” When you lie to yourself: It can cause problems in your relationships It could lead to you making poor decisions It may prevent you from reaching your full potential You won’t know yourself as well as you should Understanding the point where self-deception starts is important because this will help you learn how to stop lying to yourself.  Truth be told (no pun intended) You can never truly be honest with others if you aren’t first honest with yourself. There’s a quote that says, “Ou

To leave alone means to refrain from annoying or interfering with Focus on what you can control. Embrace a growth mindset. To embrace a growth mindset, think of the word “yet” It hasn’t happened yet. You aren’t there yet. The power of Yet.   Journal to release all the things that are consuming your mind. Celebrate small wins. Lay aside your expectations. Leave it alone! Trust the process

The quotes that inspired today's podcast:  When you show them you’ll stay through anything, that’s when they’ll put you through everything. Intentionally leaving out details is lying too. Even if our background and circumstances influence who we are, we are still responsible for who we become. You can’t disappoint someone multiple times and expect their energy to still crave you. The wrong person will distract you and the right person will motivate you. When you avoid difficult conversations, you trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction. They want you to forgive and forget while they are still doing it.  Stop being on bad terms with people you love. Death is so random and permanent.  Just because things would have been different that doesn’t mean they would have been better.